It’s been a long time since I made any post. I’ve been wondering what would get me to start writing here again. Then it came – my inevitable return to the night shift.

A lot has happened since my last post. Hell, I can’t even remember what it was all about. But let me update you anyway. My father’s 40th thingy went by. I’m now working in the land of periods, commas and quotation marks. I guess that’s as far as the highlights go. Everything else to me still seems like a big blur.

This new job of mine has taught me a lot of things. At first the job seemed intimidating (and at times, it still is). After a while though you get your stride. For some reason people here are under the impression that I’m good. And maybe, just maybe, they’re right. But in the land of punctuation marks, good just doesn’t cut it.

Bumped into her yesterday. Well, technically she tapped me on the back as I was making my way home. I knew our paths would cross at some point. Ortigas just isn’t that big enough.

We had a talk and said things we were unable to talk about back at the wake. She told me of all the troubles she’s been going through. She’s hurt. As it turns out her boyfriend’s a real buzz kill. I hate fact that she has to go through so many problems. She’s in deep shit as it is. I doubt she welcomes the idea of adding more woes to her life. But what can she do? Her boyfriend’s a schmuck.

Hearing her stories about how much her family liked me and how her boyfriend took my presence as an actual threat just made me smile. Sure, it feels uncomfortable hearing stuff like that come out of someone you used to have deep feelings for. The things she said, however, were still music to my ears. She didn’t say it to me but I’m pretty sure I heard regret screaming from inside of her.

Regret she didn’t end up with me? I think it’s safe to say I may be right. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t matter now. Like I said, my heart’s in a different place now. I have other priorities. I couldn’t afford to take another chance in a relationship that just wouldn’t set off. I’m over her now. Not mad. Not bitter over anything. Don’t regret a thing. Just… over her. Hope she ends up happy because that guy is all she’s got now. She seems to have moved on. It’s only fair that I do the same.

I’m awesome. Sorta.

Finally, a new month has made its way to my door. June. It holds a lot of promises. Just what those promises are, I have yet to know. But I have a good feeling about this month. Then again, I said I have a good feeling about this year last January and look at where I am now.

Still, one guy can only hope for the better. Surely after all the emotional, physical and financial pain I’ve been through something good must be on the way. Life can’t be that cruel now, can it?

I took my father’s death as a sign to finally change a few things about myself. He had always been instrumental, a key factor in all the decisions I’ve done. I think he would like it if I finally made a career change. Walk on another path. Three years of doing meaningless work is enough. I think it’s about time I stepped out into the real world and do something real for the first time. Some offers had come along and yet the right one has yet to knock though.

The more I procrastinate the stupider I feel and get. This environment I’m at isn’t helping anymore. I simply need to leave. There’s something better out there and I’ll leave no stone unturned to find out what.

I couldn’t get these lines off my head today. I have no idea where these came from but I wrote them down anyway. These lines are pretty much useless to me for the time being. Maybe I’d get to use them soon for something. Some of them sound weird and cool at the same time.

Let’s start with this one:

If you’d have a buck for everytime you heard you’re beautiful then I’d be bancrupt. And yet I’d still have the balls to beg for money just so I could tell you some more.

—-

Here’s to my imaginary dog Sparky and to the many adventures we will never have. Sparky stopped licking my face today.

—

Under the star apple tree I’ve written a thousand lies. A million lines. Missplelled the simplest rhymes and died.

—

Nine out of ten people agree that one person would always disagree in a group of ten.

I had a few more in me but I think I’ll have them written somewhere else.

I know. I’ve said it a lot of times now. But saying these words seems to make me feel a bit better. I hate my job. I’ve contemplated on the thought of resigning but alas. I’ve found reasons to stay. These reasons seem logical but I’m not sure just how long they could keep me motivated to wake up everyday and work my ass off every night.

My client’s a bitch. A tad better than who I used to work for but still a bitch. He’s asking me to write shit I just couldn’t get myself to write about. And he’s asking me to write them in a way I couldn’t get right. I guess I could blame that on the fact that he doesn’t know what he wants just yet. In a way he’s asking me to write Shakespeare in 25 characters. Which is just as stupid as it sounds.

If I could just pull it together for a month or two then that’ll be great. I just realized I’ve already been in here for a year. Wow. Poor me.